Ok. I know… Self pity is a waste of time and energy. And yet, there I sit alone with my thoughts pitying myself! I was rattling on and on in my head about all the tragedies that have befallen my family over the past six to eight months and how it has all come crashing down on my shoulders to hold down the fort.
My “fort” entails the following:
- Home management. I have been a working mom since my daughter was born. That has afforded me the luxury of being able to put my child on the bus, head to work, come home, have dinner, watch TV, tuck my child into bed, and then visit with my husband before my day ending slumber. I would assist my stay at home husband with the daily chores about 2-3 days a week. Since my step son got in his horrific accident, my husband has stayed in the city while I stay home for our daughter. Managing the daily tasks of the home is exhausting! I certainly appreciate my husband more than ever now that I have been walking a few blocks in his shoes.
- Elderly care. My mother in law lives in the basement apartment of our home. It is a lovely place. She is severely handicapped from a deep stroke she had about 8 years ago. While she is mostly self-sufficient, she does require maintenance. She needs her pill tray filled once a week, groceries bought and put up once a week, laundry done, and assistance with bathing. We have a maid service that comes in every two weeks, or her living space would be nasty! She also has a cat, so the cat box must be cleaned, too. Then there is the odds and ends that she randomly asks for. Thankfully, she is a very pleasant and easy going lady!
- working virtual. I have a job with a great company that has allowed me to work from home during these crazy months. However, my job is incredibly stressful. The amount of pressure I am under regularly makes me insane. I have had to try to learn to balance and separate my personal issues from work and still perform to my very high standards. The line has been getting hazy and the tempers have flared a time or two. I am trying very hard to maintain but it gets harder daily.
- Love of my life. I miss my husband horribly! He is staying close to his son in the city while he recovers and we have been utilizing FaceTime, text, and phone calls to try to remain close. I am thankful for any contact we can have but it isn’t the same. He has to be close to his son because of how quick things can change with his recovery. Being 55 miles away would be too stressful and make him feel less in control. our daughter and I are very understanding, but after three weeks of missing daddy/hubby we are miserable. Our family is very close and we have a ton of love for each other. This time apart is particularly difficult due to the added worry for our brother/son and our wish for his recovery.
- Child management. I adore my daughter. She is a mini-me. She is playful, mischievous, caring, and extra aware of her world around her. We are so similar that we sometimes butt heads. The level of stubbornness between the two of is thru the roof! As a result, when we have good days, it is extraordinarily awesome. When we have bad days, it is like a tornado of oil and water forever swirling and never mixing! Usually my husband is a great buffer and handles us both well. We are having to learn to buffer ourselves and it is a steep hill to climb.
So there I sit with the self pity trying to worm it’s way around my psyche. It was truly pathetic.
i wiped my eyes, blew my nose, and grabbed a bowl of ice cream. After meditating on how great my life actually is, I realized that self pity is a waste of time and energy.
i am so grateful to have such love and faith and moments of joy in my life that self pity is simply not needed. Lesson learned!